7 Secrets of a Happy Marriage
76Tips for Marital Bliss and Lifelong Harmony
For all of our collective misgivings about the institution of marriage, we seem to be quite fond of jumping into it. Some sources say 90% of adults in the civilized world get married at least once in their lives.
The problem is, less than half of us stay married.
While all of this might sound just fine to wedding planners and divorce attorneys, it's just not that great for the rest of us. Divorce is incredibly stressful - on us, on our children, on our families... It somehow doesn't sound like a big deal anymore, since so many couples end up getting divorced, but the truth is, it rips people's lives apart!
It's hard for us to stay married these days, when divorce is so accessible - but no matter how trying marriage can be, it's almost always the better option. Couples who stay married for life tend to be happier, live longer, and stay healthier. And even though you and your spouse will undoubtedly have your disagreements, and may even need a bit of relationship help now and again, there's a lot to be said for being able to share your live with one special person.
With that in mind, I have put together a list of seven secrets to a happy marriage. I hope that you will use these tips to strengthen your own marriage, and to live a happy and fulfilling life with your spouse:
- Create your own traditions together. Certain things should become private, exclusive experiences that bond the two of you together. Whether it's a touch on the shoulder that says, "I know you've had a hard day", or a weekly drive along the country side, carve out your own traditions to make your marriage unique and irreplaceable.
- Talk about money. Few things cause more marital strife than money issues. If the two of you handle money differently, you need to discuss it as soon as possible. If you can't agree on how finances should be handled, keep your finances separate. Separate checking accounts won't kill a marriage, but repeated fights over money can.
- Communicate openly and honestly. You might feel like you're burdening your spouse when you talk about that awful meeting at work or those lines at the store, but marriage is about sharing... everything. Communicating openly and honestly reduces the opportunity for things to be taken the wrong way. If you're upset, your spouse will know it... and might think it's about your relationship if you don't speak up.
- Listen to your spouse.This doesn't mean staring and nodding. Your spouse doesn't just want you to hear- your spouse wants you to understand and share in what you're being told. You would give that courtesy to a complete stranger... so it's critical that you extend the same courtesy to your spouse.
- Establish a "date night", and stick to it. Happy couples, even those who have been married for forty years or more, say that one of the keys is continuing to date even after you're married. Whether it's every Friday night or once a month, your marriage will greatly benefit from setting aside time for the two of you to reconnect.
- Respect your spouse, and ask for respect. Read number 4 again. We give respect to total strangers, yet we often don't respect our own spouses. "Please" and "thank you" fit just as well in the context of marriage as they do in social situations.
- Put your marriage first. It's easy to let your time and energy be drained... children, careers, social obligations, and family can all take up a huge chunk of your time. However, your marriage still has to come first. No matter what else is going on, set aside some time and energy for your spouse... Creating something that no one can take away is a powerful way to build a lifetime of happiness and reduce the frequency of marital problems.
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True, but that makes them even more important. My wife works 3rd shift as a nurse, and I run a business that takes 60-70 hours a week out of my schedule. Plus, there's school, ballet, art classes, etc. for the little one. So I feel your pain.
It definitely isn't easy. But I'd say if it weren't for us sticking to these habits, my wife would have sold me to gypsies by now. :-)
Thanks for the comment - hang in there!
Lee
Thanks Lee, our schedule is the same as yours. My wife is a nurse too and works 11-7. I work only 40 at my job, but stay up late trying to make extra income online. To be honest I think we do a great job with most of the above. We could use a steady date night. Usually it is a lot less than we would like. I feel for me our marriage is first. But, my wife is a woman and therefore the kids, are first. Oh and then so is her trying to sleep because she works nights. Then maybe bills or possibly me. I think I am somewhere on the totem pole but, definitely not at the top. I would like to someday be equal with the kids. But, that will probably be when they move out. We are perfect for each other but, so many responsibilities just get in the way sometimes. Maybe I will try to get a scheduled date night. Recently she stopped working every other Saturday night and as a family we have been doing more all together. Before it was always me taking them out on Saturday and she had to sleep. So that should help a lot. Thanks.
Jim, I'd love to hear how that goes... so feel free to comment anytime! Seriously, though, even if you can only swing a date night once a month, it can still make a big difference.
I think that one thing that's more important than the frequency is making that commitment. Unless one of your kids breaks an arm or monkeys invade your house, your date night should be set in stone. It establishes the idea that "yes, we have tons of responsibilities and schedule conflict, but our marriage is still important".
As for feeling like you're pretty far down on the totem pole... I understand. That shifts around as responsibilities change, kids get older, etc. It still sucks to take a back seat to other priorities, but it won't be that way forever.
I'm interested in hearing how you're making money online. Feel free to shoot me an emal at lhrowley AT gmail DOT com - maybe I can give you some pointers. 100% of my income comes from online sources, so I've learned a lot (and made a LOT of mistakes) along the way.
Lee
it's hard that me and my husband dont have a intimate time for each other because we work opposite time too.my husband work graveyard while im in workingdays.how will i keep our relationship happy?
My husband and I lived in two different cities, hours apart, before we were married. He has always been a third shifter and I was a single mom. Now we have been married for almost two years, I moved away from everything and everyone that I knew to come be with my soulmate. We had our son 6 months ago, and it seems that ever since we have been losing each other in the midst of our jobs and the kids. We both agree that we have become more like roommates than husband and wife. We love each other very much and want to work it out, but I never knew how hard it would be to be married to a third shifter. It seems we have even less time for each other now than we did when we lived hours away from each other. I hope that adding a date night will help us. Our last date was last August. Honestly, I think the lack of time to connect with each other is our biggest downfall. Not having that time prevents us from communicating and infuses stress into our relationship. I wish everyone else the best.
it's hard that me and my husband dont have a intimate time for each other because we work opposite time too.my husband work graveyard while im in workingdays.how will i keep our relationship happy?
sometimes we all have to make a few changes in order to make a marriage work. My husband works 2 jobs and im a stay at home mother. I dont see him during the week but on his days off we make time for ourselves and spend as much time as we can with our children during the day. FAMILY IS THE KEY TO EVERYTHING. MONEY COMES AND GOES THE SAME THING AS A MATERIAL THINGS. SOMETIMES WE ALL NEED TO TAKE OFF WORK TO SPEND TIME WITH OUR LOVED ONES. UNDERSTAND, TALK, LISTEN, THE LITTLE THINGS THAT YOU DO FOR EACH OTHER MAKE A BIG DIFFERENCE!!WISH EVERYONE THE BEST!!1
Hi Irowley, I linked this hub in my latest article about successful marriage. Thought of sharing with you. Thanks.
I appreciate the nice suggestions in this article, but it's hard when you are married to a spouse whose nine years younger than you are. The maturity levels are different and it can be challenging. Any suggestions?
This is a great hub! Yes, I believe in marriage, too! I hate when comedians are always putting it down..yea, I know they do it in "jest"..but still...everyone buys into that whole "ball and chain"way of thinking. There's one thing you need to add to your list, though...Couples need to have FUN with each other! You have to be able to get silly together and LAUGH...A LOT!
Don't forget; sometimes you can have a great date night at HOME, if your kids are sleeping over their friend's house!
Married life with time is said to become monotonous with the passage of time, therefore little changes in the daily routine are mandatory for you as a couple. This helps you add colors of happiness and surprises in your life..
All of your tips here are great. I especially like listening to your spouse. I love that my husband doesn't necessarily look at me, but can repeat me verbatim anytime I think he is not listening.
Second, I think so many people think they have to put the children first (which is slightly true), but they do not realize that by putting their marriage first the children gain a larger benefit from their happiness.
I have linked to this hub in mine which talks about Happy Marriage as well. I hope you do not mind. I believe them to compliment each other very well.
jim10 2 years ago
Thanks for the great suggestions. But, boy are they hard when we work opposite hours with 3 young kids to support.