Tips for Dealing with Vegas Timeshare Salespeople

If you've ever been to Las Vegas, you know that one of the inevitabilities is dealing with timeshare salespeople.  It's nearly impossible to walk from one casino to the next without running into some over-friendly, airbrushed dolt who wants to sucker you into sitting through a timeshare presentation.

Now that the economy has all but collapsed, these folks are finding it harder than ever to seduce tourists into being hounded by timeshare reps for hours on end - especially since property values in Vegas have plummeted faster than my mood when I'm sitting at the blackjack table. I mean, gambling in Vegas is a losing proposition, but at least you know what you're getting into.  At this point, I think my odds of hitting the progressive jackpot at one of the MGM properties is better than getting a good deal on a timeshare.

So these folks are getting more aggressive than ever.  A few years ago, they would have taken "no" for an answer -- at least after hearing it for the second or third time.  Now, I wouldn't be surprised if these guys would chase you down the street, alternately offering show tickets and hurling physical threats, in the hopes that you'd sit through their timeshare presentation just to shut them up.

The first time my wife and I went to Las Vegas, we were naïve enough to engage in conversation with a few of these people.  However, we quickly learned to anyone who asks  "how long are you staying in Vegas" is setting you up for an afternoon of timeshare hell.  So I've developed a few strategies for shutting these folks down:

1. Fake an accent, and tell them you're from another country. Even if your fake accent is really bad, you can still pull this off -- just tell them you're from a town they've never heard of, and act like they are stupid for not recognizing regional accents. (For example, I tell these guys I'm from the U.K. If I screw up the accent, I elaborate by telling them I'm from Leeds -- then look at them like they should know the difference between a London accent and a Leeds accent.)  Most of these timeshare deals are only available to U.S. residents, so this will usually get you off the hook right away. Note: don't tell them you're from Canada.  These timeshare outfits seem to have some weird loophole that allows them to make an exception for Canadians.  That, or they think Canada is actually part of the United States.
2. If you're not comfortable faking an accent, wax psychotic instead. When a timeshare sales person asks how long you'll be in Vegas, answer, "just until my warrant is served." Alternately, you can respond with "just until they find the bodies -- I just got back from a timeshare presentation."
3. Act very interested, and tell the salesperson that you'd love to attend a presentation.  Then, tell the person you're a budding porn director, and ask the person if there are any restrictions on using the timeshare to film bestiality videos.
4. If all else fails, pretend you think the timeshare salesperson is a prostitute. When the person asks how long you'll be in Vegas, say, "That depends on what you're into. If you've got the evening free, my fraternity brothers are looking for a good time. Do you offer a volume discount?" They love that. Especially if the salesperson is a guy.

Print these tips out and memorize them, and you'll have one less headache to worry about the next time you book a trip to Vegas.